Scared and afraid... These are words that I once thought were used only by the weak.

Scared and afraid... These are words that I once thought were used only by the weak.  I now realize that they are words used by people who have a lot to lose too.  I also have come to realize that there is a whole world that I've never experienced.  In this world you let go of all control.  Whether by choice or force, this is a world of freedom.  It doesn't always feel good and it doesn't always feel bad but that is what makes it so beautiful.  When you are always in control of your situations, there's no longer any room for surprise.  There's not much room for change.  In this world you are safe but with little freedom.  With this control is how I have always protected myself from unwanted situations.  A way to prevent the difficulties of my past/childhood from reoccurring and also a way to protect myself from my own mistakes.


Sometimes hurt can be a beautiful thing.  It can spark passion and speak to you.  We learn from these things and in turn we grow.  I haven't grown much in recent years because I've tried so hard to maintain control and avoid difficulties.  Admitting fault or wrong doing is a virtue and also a difficult thing to do, but we all make mistakes and there is a tremendous amount of freedom in admitting so.


Letting go of everything that makes you feel secure leaves you vulnerable... but it allows others to make decisions and even ones that can change your life.  Let the chips fall where they may.  Sometimes you will really screw things up!  That's a guaranty... because nobody is perfect.  Mistakes come in Big and small packages.  Some are serious and some... not so much.  When you make serious mistakes you are utterly humbled and you learn your own true feelings inside.  You learn exactly what it is that you have and what it is you don't.  This alone can be a lovely process.  Yield all of your time to that process and get as much out of it as you possibly can.  ABSOLUTELY do not deny it!  Otherwise, you've made a big mistake and the worst part of it is that it was all in vane.  Screw up, apologize and hope for forgiveness, reflect, heal, GROW!


Always remember this... The strongest part of a bone is where it was once broken and now healed